Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO – JUNE 11 - 17, 2012
page three

PEOPLE
Henry Kissinger Given Pat-Down Search at LaGuardia
All they find is some Viagra.
Poll: George W. Bush Judged Most Unpopular Living President
After respondents informed Herbert Hoover dead.
 
MEDIA
Study: 70% of All Political
Ads Negative

Other 30% backed losing candidates.
 
BUSINESS
Europe Rescues Spain's Banks
With American-Style $125
Billion Bailout Deal

Banks' top executives expected to give themselves huge bonuses, gamble away what's left on risky derivatives.
Wall Street Traders Switching
From Fiber-Optic Cables to
Slightly Faster Microwaves

Could shave milliseconds off time before next financial meltdown.
Meg Whitman to Cut 27,000 Jobs at HP
Leaving just her.
SCIENCE
CDC Issues Statement That
Zombies Do Not Exist

Despite numerous sightings in halls of Congress.
Archeologists Discover
Shakespeare's Pre-Globe
Theater Beneath Trendy Pub

Pub owners plan to rip it out, put in something trendy.
 
Bones of Prehistoric Mammoth Found in Iowa Family's Backyard
Family denies any knowledge of how bones got there.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
CDC: More Teens Smoke
Pot Than Cigarettes

“We must do more,” says spokesman for Philip Morris.
FDA: High Fructose Corn
Syrup Cannot Be Renamed
“Corn Sugar”

Instead it will be marketed as “I Can't Believe It's Not Allowed to Be Called Sugar.”

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2012 Ironic Times