Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 2 - 8, 2012
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EDUCATION
To Debunk Evolution, Louisiana School Teaches Students Loch Ness Monster Exists
Cautions them about Bigfoot, however.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Original Copy of Emancipation Proclamation Sells at Auction for $2.1 Million
Signed by none other than Abraham Lincoln, vampire hunter.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Google Unveils Google Glasses
So everyone can watch YouTube while they drive.
 
SPORTS
Romney Donor Buys Ad Space on Soccer Club's Shirts
Hopes to reach Latinos other than Romney's gardeners.
NEW PRODUCTS
Finally, a
Cure for Embarrassing Flatulence!

The Farty Smarty not only deodorizes, it muffles your gaseous indiscretions, turning a trumpet blast into a muted cornet so only you and maybe a dog will notice. Developed by the Russian space program, Farty Smarty patches are great for dinner parties, PTA meetings, theater, anywhere the whoopee cushion excuse won't work. $19.95 for a pack of six, at Put A Cork In It.
 
POLL
Americans Feel Obama Better
Suited Than Romney to Deal
With Alien Invasion

Feel Romney better suited to deal with door-to-door salesmen.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
New York: Man Dressed as Elmo Arrested for Spewing Anti-Semitic Remarks
“Elmo no like Jews,” he kept saying.

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