Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 3 - 9, 2012
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MISCELLANEOUS
New Warhol Campbell Soup Cans Hit Shelves
Experts consider the chicken noodle a good investment.
Apple Rejects App That Reports
Every Deadly Drone Strike

Says it doesn't provide enough “fun.”
 
EDUCATION
125 Students in Harvard's “Introduction to Congress” Class Accused of Cheating
If proven true they will all receive A's.
 
RELIGION
Breakaway Amish Group on Trial for Cutting Off Beards of Other Amish
And for signing deal with Gillette.
 
SPORTS
Augusta National Golf Club Finally Admits Women
They can play on Wednesdays (except during the Masters), and eat in the dining room any day, until 3 PM.
FEATURE
Eric Holder won't be filing any charges against the CIA in the death of a prisoner in Afghanistan in 2002 or another in Iraq in 2003 because:
A )Prosecutions are not about right and wrong, they're about winning and losing, and he wasn't sure he could win.
B )These are stand-your-ground type cases, sort of.
C )War crimes, war shrimes.
Hint: yes, we're a nation of laws, not men, except for sometimes.
 
NEW PRODUCTS
Finally, A Pen for Delicate, Feminine Hands
A breakthrough in writing implements comparable to the introduction of Virginia Slims, BiC for Her is an attractive ballpoint pen perfect for endorsing alimony checks, voting, or stabbing the man who came up with this. $2.29, at Girls 'R' Us.

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