Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – NOVEMBER 5 - 11, 2012
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NEW PRODUCTS
It's the First Higgs Boson Watch!
Talk about accuracy, this timepiece is off by less than one millisecond every 17 billion years, which should keep you on time for job interviews well into the future. Powered by nuclear particles colliding at the speed of light, it creates a new universe every hour, accompanied by a little big bang. Just don't try winding it -- no one's sure what happens. $49.95, at the CERN gift store.
 
TECHNOLOGY
500 Million Chinese Now Online
Getting unlimited information from all over world about cheap Viagra.
Completed: Steve Jobs's Dream
Yacht, Totally Controlled by
Onboard iMacs

Unveiling delayed when Apple Maps sails it to Portland, Maine instead of Portland, Oregon.
FEATURE
Where are the Romney-Ryan baseball-style caps made?
  A ) Right here in the U S of A!
  B ) Puerto Rico
  C ) Mars
  D ) China
Hint: do you really have to ask?
 
POLL
More Than Two-Thirds of Republican Voters Believe in Demonic Possession
Explains why they vote against their own best interest.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Million Muppet March Turns Violent
Not shown: police use clubs, tear gas, rubber bullets to subdue angry mob.

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