| PEOPLE |
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 Sheldon Adelson's Firm Admits to
“Likely” Bribery of Chinese Officials
Also “likely” lying about it, and “likely”
attempt to bribe investigators. |
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| BUSINESS |
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37% of U.S. Gov't Contracts Intended for
Small Business Went to Large Corporations
On its way to Main Street, money got lost,
stumbled into Wall Street. |
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JP Morgan Chase Hid $6.2 Billion in
Losses From Regulators
Fortunately, as country's most respected banking
institution, it probably won't do so again. |
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 Mattel to Refinance Outstanding
Obligations With $500 Million Bond Sales
According to new Insider Trading Barbie. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Philosophy Professor Gets $5 Million
Grant to Study Immortality
Hopes to answer question, “Is there life after
all the grant money is gone?” |
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NASA Says Ancient Mars Could Have
Supported Life
Seems it was wet, temperate, with thriving
civilizations, and then somebody set off the
Doomsday Device. |
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 Physicists Say
They've Found a Higgs Boson
Or it has found them. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Americans’ Self-Reported Ideal Weight
Up by 13% Since 1990
You’re looking quite slender today! |
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New Drug Derived From Red Wine Could
Help Humans Live to 150
And enjoy every minute of it. |
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