Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JUNE 3 - 9, 2013
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POLITICS
Michele Bachmann Says She's Not Running for Reelection
GOP spending $2 million on lavish retirement party.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Mississippi Man Sues Lawn
Mower Maker After Being
Attacked by Yellow Jackets,
Then Run Over by His Lawn Mower

Says he'll also sue the next sonofabitch who thinks it's the least bit funny.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Pentagon Developing Beam Weapon That Inflicts Extreme Pain
Also developing anti-beam weapon that relieves extreme pain.
New Hand-Gesture Vocabulary Being Developed for Computer of Future
Instead of clicking a mouse or swiping a track pad, simply pick your nose.
Original 1976 Apple-1 Sells for Record $671,400
Buyer faces a deluge of upgrades.
TRAVEL
Upcoming Trial of Captain of Costa Concordia to Include Testimony That He Was Distracted by Moldovan Dancer He'd Invited to the Bridge
His defense: who wouldn't be?
 
LEISURE
Bad News: Studies Suggests
Subway Will Be Heard in LAs
Disney Concert Hall

Good news: should enhance 1812 Overture.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
  JCPenney Slammed for Selling Tea Kettle That Resembles Hitler
And waffle iron that looks like Mussolini.
 
SPORTS
Wrestling Hopes to Regain Spot in Olympics by Making Rules Changes
Boasting, strutting about, smashing opponents with metal folding chairs will be permitted.

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