Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JUNE 10 - 16, 2013
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NEW PRODUCTS
The Next Big Thing
Looking for something fun to do with your 3-D printer? How about Miss June, Playboy's life-size 3-D Playmate of the Month? Subscribe now and get two years of monthly blueprints for the price of one. With twenty-four of these lovelies in your mansion you'll feel like Hef himself. $1200 at 3-D Depot.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Rights Watchdog Freedom House Downgrades U.S. in Its Annual Freedom Rankings
But we went right to top of Totalitarian Watchdog Despot House's annual Captivity Index.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Vocabulary Builders
apprentice 1. archaic: now out-of-use term for a young person who would work for free for a long period of years hoping to gain skills and connections needed to secure paid work later. 2. intern
TRAVEL
Airbus Prepares for First Flight of Airliner Made of Mostly Composite Materials
If successful, could herald era of skies filled with thousands of empty airliners made of mostly composite materials.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Skechers Will Pay $40 Million to Settle Class Action Suit By Consumers Who Bought Shoes Believing They Would Lose Weight By Wearing Them
And another $30 million for buying socks they thought would raise their IQ by twenty points.
Report: U.S. Meat Teeming With Antibiotic-Resistant Superbugs
Public urged to check for bugs before each bite.
 
SPORTS
Many Baseball Players Face Suspension for Ties to Anti-Aging Clinic
And underage drinking.

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