| PEOPLE |
 |
 J-Lo, After
Singing “Happy Birthday” to Him, Says
She Didn't Realize Leader of Turkmenistan
a Brutal Dictator
Shaken, she continues tour, entertaining
leaders of Zimbabwe and North Korea. |
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| |
| MEDIA |
|
Tape of Rupert Murdoch Admitting
Bribing Officials Goes Viral
Now he's frantically trying to contact each of the
estimated 15 million who've listened to it
and buy their silence. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Revealed: Insiders Pay to Get Consumer
Sentiment Index 2 Seconds Before Everyone Else
So they can be first on Twitter with a wisecrack. |
|
State of California Going After
JPMorganChase for Running a “Massive
Debt Collection Mill”
Sent thugs to collect from little old ladies,
then hid money in the Caymans. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Group Asks Pepsi, Coke to Remove
Known Carcinogen From Beverages
“But people love their 4-methylimidazole,”
says industry spokesman. |
|
Italian Scientist Says We're
Close to Transplanting a
Human Head
Leaves it to courts to decide if head
owns body or body owns head. |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
 Obama's New Limo to
Have Heavy Armor, Blood Bank, Night Vision
And pair of furry dice hanging from rear-view mirror. |
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| CORRECTION |
| |
| In a recent article with the headline,
“Queen Elizabeth's Horse Wins Ascot For First
Time in 209 Years” the photo accompanying
the article was mistakenly identified as Queen Elizabeth
when it was actually Queen Elizabeth's horse. Our
apologies to Queen Elizabeth and her horse. |
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