Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 8 - 14, 2013
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TECHNOLOGY
Yelp Unveils Hipster Density Map
Already being compared to discovery of penicillin, other historic breakthroughs.
 
SPORTS
Oakland A's Want to Move to San Jose
From no there there to somewhere no one knows the way to.
First Major League Umpire Let Go Due to Drug Violation
League officials became suspicious when his tosses back to pitchers were clocked in the mid-90s.
Consultant Hired to Come Up With Less Offensive Name for Washington Redskins
Like Virginia Redskins, Maryland Redskins.
PUBLISHING
“Shitstorm” Added to Leading
German Dictionary

Causing shitstorm of controversy among nation's top academics.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Study: Women More Likely to Be Ripped Off on Auto Repairs
95% of men ripped off; 97% of women.
Comcast to Offer Light Bulbs That Can Be Dimmed by Smartphone App
In case you'd rather die than get up and use the dimmer.
 
TRAVEL
Paris Distributes Manual: How to
Not Be Rude to Tourists

City said to be littered with torn, discarded copies.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Chestnut Breaks Own Hot Dog-Eating Record
Says he'll spend his $100,000 prize on Tums.

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