Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JUL 29 - AUG 4, 2013
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PEOPLE
Geraldo Rivera Tweets Half-Naked Selfie
He's thinking of running for mayor of New York.
 
BUSINESS
Facebook Founder Mark Zuckerberg Makes $3.8 Billion in One Day of Trading
Then loses his wallet.
Halliburton Pleads Guilty, Must Pay $200,000 for Destroying Gulf Oil Spill Evidence
And perform two seconds of community service.
Data Analysis: Goldman Sachs
Has More Than 4,000 Separate
Corporate Entities

Each one a vibrant, thriving post office box in the Caymans.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Hamburger Helper Renamed Helper
Survey found those who could only afford to eat Hamburger Helper could no longer afford hamburger.
SCIENCE
Researchers Say They've Created False Memories in Mice
Mice remember being brought into lab for this experiment, then given as much cheese as they could eat.
NASA Experimenting With
Photons to See if Faster-Than-
Light Travel Possible

If it is, we'll be able to go back in time and erase all our embarrassing voicemails.
 
Australian Researchers Unveil Shark-Proof Wetsuits
Unfortunately, one researcher was trampled by a herd of zebras.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Full Moon Really Does
Disturb Your Sleep

Blame combination of extra light, gravitational pull and watching a slew of B-movies with werewolves.
Study Finds Menus Listing
Calories Don't Work

Actuarial tables more effective.

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