 ASSAD DENIES
ORDERING
CHEMICAL
ATTACK
Just ordered a Cobb salad, was misunderstood. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Tokyo Picked to Host 2020
Olympic Games
Whether they're summer or winter games
will depend on global warming. |
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 Sunlight Reflected
by New London Skyscraper Melts Automobile
Architect had “no idea” it got sunny in London. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Sen. McCain
Caught Playing Video Poker on His iPhone
During Syria Hearing
He's holding aces and eights. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Latest Syria Option Emerges from
Congressional Negotiations
Ring Assad’s doorbell and run. |
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Unemployment Numbers Improve Slightly
Thanks to disenchanted job-seekers turning
to identity theft. |
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Report: NSA Can Decrypt
Almost Anything
Only Navajo code talkers safe. |
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| REMINDER |
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Don't give up on your dream of
swimming from Cuba to Florida without a shark cage. |
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Blaming Sequester, CIA Closes
Office That Declassifies
Historical Documents
Forced to choose between that and flying coach. |
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Next Month North Carolina
Will Allow Residents to Take
Guns Into Bars
But not during happy hour. |
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