Ironic Times

page one
PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 9 - 15, 2013
page two

MISCELLANEOUS
Final Nixon Tapes Released
Took 20 years to delete all expletives.
Study: Poverty Lowers Intelligence
Suggested remedy: play the lottery.
Study: Left-Handed People
Better at Multitasking

Right-handed people better at masturbating.
 
TECHNOLOGY
New Predictive App Tells You
What You Want to Know Before
You Know It

Buys things you want before you know you bought them.
Report: 30% of Americans
Knowingly Open Spam Emails

Contributing $2 billion a year to the Nigerian economy.
Samsung Unveils Smartwatch
Predicts it will revolutionize sexting.
NEW PRODUCTS
A Self-Parking Car That Folds Up!
Just make sure you exit this thing before it parks itself and turns into a glorified trunk. And don't leave a cake on the back seat. $16,545, from El Foldo Imports.
 
EDUCATION
Survey: 42% of Harvard's
Incoming Freshman Class
Cheated on Homework

Fortunately, their fathers went there.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
After 24 Years, San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge Span Reopens
Those who over the years had become accustomed to taking rapid transit, biking or walking, jumped right back into their cars.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2013 Ironic Times