Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 16 - 22, 2013
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TECHNOLOGY
Apple Introduces iPhone With Fingerprint Scanning
Plus app to run background check on your date.
McDonald’s Testing Food-Ordering App For Mobile Phones
Also cholesterol-delivery system that goes straight to your arteries, without time- consuming eating process.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Putin: Beloved Composer Tchaikovsky Gay, Proving Russians Not Homophobic
Later, gangs of homophobes burn Tchaikovsky albums, sheet music in ten Russian cities.
 
EDUCATION
California’s Common Core Curriculum Standards to Eliminate Cursive Writing
Except for autographs.
 
SPORTS
Support Grows for Paying College Athletes
In checks rather than cash.
FEATURE
STUDY: WEALTHY HAVE
GREATEST SHARE OF
ECONOMIC PIE SINCE 1928

The year pie charts were invented.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Mercedes Announces Successful 62-Mile Trip of Driverless Car
Pulled over for speeding by driverless police car.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
First Lady Asks Americans to Drink More Water
Whiskey and water ok.

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