Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCTOBER 14 - 20, 2013
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NEW PRODUCTS
Company Introduces App-Controlled Backpack That Controls a Cockroach's Movements Remotely
Cockroaches sold separately.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Hanukkah, Thanksgiving Fall
On Same Day for Last Time
In Nearly 80,000 Years

Providing extremely rare eight days of indigestion.
 
EDUCATION
Global Report: Americans Lag in
Math, Vocabulary, Technology,
Overall Literacy

Although we weren't feeling well the day of the test.
 
SPORTS
Baseball: Postseason Devoid of Hitting, Scoring
And positive PED tests.
Oneida Nation Calls on Washington Redskins to Change Name
To Oneida Redskins.
FEATURE
Which organization pledged to support Republicans in the House who vote to end the government shutdown and raise the debt limit on schedule against possible Tea Party challengers in the 2014 primaries?
A )MoveOn.
B )Emilyís List.
C )Martians for a Responsible Solar System.
D )The U.S. Chamber of Commerce.
Hint: Itís not MoveOn or Emilyís List.
 
RELIGION
Scalia Says He Believes in the Devil
Consults him regularly.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
New $100 Bill Has Many Security Features to Prevent Counterfeiting
Ben's eyes watch your every move.

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