Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – DECEMBER 16 - 22, 2013
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NEW PRODUCTS
Revolutionary iPotty Promises End to Toilet Training
And beginning of zombie apocalypse.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
With Rules Changes, Your Odds of Winning the Lottery Sink from 1 in 176 Million to 1 in 259 Million
You have a better chance of being struck by lightning while being bitten by a shark.
 
TECHNOLOGY
NSA Has Cracked Cellphone Encryption Code
It knows what you said, when you said it and to whom, but doesn't know if you meant it.
 
SPORTS
Major League Baseball Mulls Banning Home Plate Collisions
Or at least limiting number of jumbotron replays to three.
TRAVEL
French Cafe Charges Rude Customers Extra
Pays rude waiters more.
Denmark Ranked First on World Happiness List
Based on per capita consumption of pastry.
Marijuana Now Legal in Uruguay
That giant sucking sound you hear is from Uruguay.
 
TRENDS
Study: Everyone Speaks
Like a Valley Girl Now

Omigosh! Gag us with a spoon!
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Analysis of James Bond Movies Reveals He Would Be Impotent From Drinking 5 Vodka Martinis a Day
Only if they're shaken, not stirred, says Bond.

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