Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO – FEBRUARY 3 - 9, 2014
page three

PEOPLE
New Hampshire Poll: Romney Republican Frontrunner
Edges out John McCain, Bob Dole.
UK: Royal Family Facing Budget Problems
Parliament tells Queen: “tighten belt, get rid of Corgis.”
 
MEDIA
In Quest to “Redefine the News,” CNN Lays Off More Than 40 Journalists
But will continue covering celebrity gossip, scandals.
 
BUSINESS
Orders for Durable Goods Decline
But orders for the crap that doesn't last longer than the time it takes you to put it together are off the charts.
Markets Plummet Across Globe
Investors panic on rumor capitalism nothing more than a pyramid scheme.
Starbucks to Open Tea Bars in NYC
Will cater to people who hate Starbucks.
SCIENCE
Report: Human Body Not
Prepared for Life in Outer Space

Prepared for life on comfy couch watching movies about outer space.
 
Hawking Changes View of Black Holes, Says Matter Doesn't Completely Disappear Inside Them
So relax.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Consumer Reports: 97% of Raw
Chicken Contaminated With
Animal Feces

To put it nicely.
 
CORRECTION
 
In a recent item "European of 7000 Years Ago Had Blue Eyes, Dark Skin," we inadvertently included a picture of John Boehner, Speaker of the House (right; actual paleolithic hunter, left). We are sorry for any confusion caused by this error.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2014 Ironic Times