Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEB 24 - MAR 2, 2014
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MISCELLANEOUS
Music Video of Cossacks Attacking Pussy Riot Goes Viral
As predicted by Nostradamus.
 
BUSINESS
Home Equity Loans, Which Homeowners Couldn't Pay During Housing Meltdown, Now Back in Vogue
Banks assure customers there's little risk, other than losing your home.
Shortage of Clowns Threatens Circuses, Birthday Celebrations
And future of Congress.
 
TRAVEL
Study: Cellphones Don't Cause Problems During Flight
People cause problems during flight.
 
SPORTS
Olympics: Warm Weather Mars Final Week of Competition
Some competitors forced to shed uniforms to avoid dehydration.
FEATURE
Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Never Read Top Ten Lists
1 )There are usually only a few possible top anythings, they just put “Ten” in there because they think people will read it.
2 )If you agree that the minimum wage should be raised, you donít need ten reasons. One or two is plenty.
3 )Anything about celebrities is probably not worth reading.
4 )Especially something like “Celebrities' Ten Worst Hair Moments.”
5 )Ten Funniest cat videos? Get a life!
6 )Ten sex secrets to make your husband want you? How about one secret: take off your clothes.
7 )You don't need ten reasons. Seven is enough, if you want ten, write three more yourself.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
East Coast Thaw Brings Hazard of Ice Falling From Buildings in New York
Residents urged to stay indoors until spring.

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