 UKRAINE CRISIS
THREATENS NEW COLD WAR
Hegel orders all nuclear forces to immediately
stop taking drugs and try to pass their
proficiency exams without cheating. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Report: British Spies Intercepted
Millions of Webcam Images,
Many Sexual in Nature
Government blames “a few randy apples.” |
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Iranian, EU Foreign Ministers Agree
Nuke Talks Off to a “Good Start”
No problems about shape of table,
hors d'oeuvres “excellent.” |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Crystal, 4.4 Billion
Years Old, Believed to Be Oldest
Piece of Earth's Crust
Not oldest piece of pizza crust, however,
which is in back of your refrigerator. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Proposed Budget Cuts Put
Supremacy of U.S. Army in Doubt
Could now be vulnerable to attack from
world’s second most powerful military,
U.S. Navy. |
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Republicans Plan to Revise
Tax Code to Help Big Banks
That are (who knew?) paying too much
in taxes. |
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| REMINDER |
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A tweet to the wise is sufficient. |
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Arizona Governor Vetoes Bill Allowing
Businesses to Refuse Service to Gays
Says God told her to do it, “or lose the
Super Bowl.” |
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Los Angeles Condom Law Forcing Porn
Production to Move to Las Vegas
Casino losses forcing porn stars,
producers to return to Los Angeles. |
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| TRAVEL |
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American Airlines Ends
Bereavement Fare
But will offer fliers lovely sympathy card. |
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