Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 5 - 11, 2014
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PEOPLE
Gov. Brown Declares Drought in California
Californians urged to bathe in Perrier.
Charles Koch, in Wall Street Journal, Calls His Critics “Collectivists”
Term last used (but favorably) by Leon Trotsky.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Old Globe's Gory, Literal
Production of Titus Andronicus
Causing Audiences to Faint

And killing sales at theater's snack bar.
 
BUSINESS
Rupert Murdoch to Buy Harlequin
To lure women back to the GOP.
Business Travelers Prefer
To Eat at McDonald's

Submit receipt for Four Seasons.
Tech Bubble Worries Investors
Especially those still using Netscape Navigator.
SCIENCE
Researchers Successfully Clone
Adult Stem Cells

Breakthrough promises immortality, collapse of Social Security.
Controversial Study: Wide-Hipped Women Have More Sex Partners
Lead researcher has been searching his entire life for way to get on TV talk shows.
 
Chance of City-Killing Asteroid Striking Earth Higher Than Previously Believed
Public urged to move to rural, uninhabited areas.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
New Nutrition Labels Proposed
By FDA

They'll highlight calories, sugar content and new category, trendiness.
New Pill Could Give Adults
Perfect Pitch

Occasional side effects: blackouts, blindness, impotence, hair loss, tooth loss, heart cancer, spontaneous human combustion.

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