Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAY 19 - 25, 2014
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NEW PRODUCTS
“Smart Shirt” Monitors Your Vital Signs
If it senses a problem, a message is sent to your nurse's bra.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Two-Thirds of Millionaires Favor Boosting Minimum Wage
Thereby eliminating the need for gratuities.
Neuropsychologist: Humans
Not Smart Enough to Deal
With Extraterrestrials

Says we should kill them all, let God sort them out.
 
FACTOID
Top 25 Hedge Funds Earned More in 2013 Than Combined Earnings of All Kindergarten Teachers in U.S.
From a study conducted by the WTF Foundation.
 
SPORTS
Putin's Amateur Hockey Team Wins Again
They defeat Russia's Olympic team, 14-0.
FEATURE
Which of the following “judgement words” did General Motors tell its engineers to avoid using when identifying product risks?
deathtrap
powder keg
grenadelike
you're toast
Hindenburg
Titanic
rolling sarcophagus
genocide
  A ) None of them.
  B ) Just “you're toast” and “genocide.”
  C ) All of them.
Hint: That's just a partial list.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Pope Francis Says He'd Baptize Martians
But draws the line at washing their feet (if they have feet).

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