Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – AUGUST 18 - 24, 2014
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ENTERTAINMENT
VH1 Thrilled With Ratings for “Dating Naked”
But will drop “Naked Biggest Loser” from schedule.
Metropolitan Opera Demanding Union Accept Salary Cuts of 17%
Unions on picket lines singing Slaves' Chorus from Verdi's Nabucco.
 
PEOPLE
Former Panama Dictator Noriega
Sues Activision Over His
Portrayal in “Black Ops 2”

Also sues Electric Arts over his portrayal in “Daffy Dictators 4.”
 
BUSINESS
Maker of Botox to Cut 1,500 Jobs
News greeted with apparent indifference by employees.
Japanese Department Stores Employing Robots at Sales Counters
They're polite, efficient, and have yet to unionize.
SCIENCE
Fossils of Butterfly-Headed Flying Reptiles Discovered in Brazil
Will be cloned, bred, sold as pets.
NASA: We'll Know We're Not Alone in Universe Within 20 Years
Or we'll eat our hats.
 
Hole in Siberia Finally Explained
After hundreds of former Putin adversaries climb out of it and tell their story.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
In Tests, Tylenol Proves No More Effective Than Placebos
Placebo sales soar.
 
LEISURE
5000 Words Added to Scrabble Dictionary
Now, finally, you can beat the crap out of grandpa.

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