Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – NOVEMBER 3 - 9, 2014
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PEOPLE
Jeb Bush Said to Be Seriously Considering Running for President
“Dad Liked Me Best” bumper stickers already appearing.
 
LAW
Court Dismisses Ex-Panamanian Dictator Manuel Noriega's Lawsuit Against Video Game “Call of Duty”
Took months for judges to stop laughing before they could write decision.
 
BUSINESS
Number of Billionaires Doubles Since Start of Financial Crisis
As many of them have kids.
Starbucks Plans Delivery Service
Coffee will be brought to you by an actual barista, accompanied by an actual bunch of out-of-work hipsters staring at laptops.
Car Safety Testers Switching to Obese Crash-Test Dummies
Being marketed as “American Size” crash-test dummies.
SCIENCE
Top Scientists Blame Humans for Climate Change
But don't name names.
 
Hieroglyphics on 3,000-Year-Old Disc Finally Deciphered
It reads, “(continued from other disc) The End.”
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Country Panics Over Remote Possibility of Ebola Outbreak
Millions fear every health expert completely wrong.
Study: Chocolate Improves Memory
It helps you remember where you hid the chocolate.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Secret Tape Reveals Big Oil Spending Millions to Dig Up Embarrassing Info on Celebrity Environmentalists
Like Ed Begley, Jr. getting a lap dance.

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