Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – NOVEMBER 17 - 23, 2014
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POLITICS
Urban Outfitters Selling Hillary Nutcrackers
Basically conceding the election to her.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Ku Klux Klan Chapter Opens its Doors to Hispanics, Blacks, Jews, Gays
And to all people who hate them.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Revealed: Chinese Hacked Into U.S. Weather Systems in October
Explains all that smog, and Al Roker's foreign accent.
 
RELIGION
New Theory: Jesus Was
Married, Had Children

And a dog.
 
SPORTS
World Cup Scandal Report Accuses Top FIFA Officials of Massive Corruption
Or, in FIFA officials' summation of report, clears them of any wrongdoing.
Australia is hosting the G-20 Summit, but Australians are intensely embarrassed about it because:
A )Their premier, Tony Abbott, only opens his mouth to change feet.
B )Australia is so far away from everywhere else that other countries tend to forget it's there.
C )"Throw another shrimp on the barbie, Mate!"
D )The most famous Australians are Kanga and Roo.
Hint: And they didn't even live in Australia.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Latest Guinness World Records Announced
 
  Shown (l to r): world's shortest, tallest, biggest.

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