Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – FEB 23 - MAR 1, 2015
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PEOPLE
Kim Jong-un Appears With New Haircut
Barber drawn, quartered, fed to dogs.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Saturday Night Live's 40th Anniversary Show a Ratings Bonanza
Network orders 41st through 45th anniversary shows.
Report: Networks Speed Up
Shows to Fit in More Commercials

Actors who can talk fast finding more work.
 
BUSINESS
Walmart Gives Many of Its
Workers a Raise

Now they'll be able to shop there.
Starbucks Adds Tiramasu
Latte, Caramel Flan Latte,
Coconut Milk Option

Regular coffee dropped from menu.
McDonald's “Pay With Lovin'” Promotion Ends
After too many people were super-sizin' their lovin'.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Reason Pot Gives People the
Munchies: Cannabinoids Activate
Pro-Opiomelanocortin Neurons

Pro-opiomelanocortin neurons are the main ingredient in Cheetos.
Cambridge University Scientists Invent “Anti-Ageing” Chocolate
The more you eat the younger and fatter you get.
 
Consumer Reports: Ingredient That Gives Colas Their Dark Color Causes Cancer
Finding comes as death sentence for anyone who doesn't drink 7-Up or Sprite.
 
SCIENCE
Scientists Baffled by Huge
Plumes on Mars Recorded
By Amateur Astronomers

Matter complicated by sudden disappearance of amateur astronomers, baffled scientists.
Hell Freezes Over
Recent arrivals able to walk across River Styx.

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