Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEB 23 - MAR 1, 2015
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NEW PRODUCTS
Toothbrush App Shows Latest News, Weather While You Brush
Floss app brings you all the latest sports.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Rumor: Apple Developing Electric Car
Syncing it to your smartwatch, you'll be able to drive your kids to school without getting out of bed.
 
EDUCATION
Ten States Considering Bills Allowing Open Carry on College Campuses
Will base success on how many die at first kegger.
 
SPORTS
Spring Training Officially Begins as Pitchers, Catchers Report
They'll be followed by infielders, outfielders, utility players, minor leaguers, unsigned free agents, and gamblers.
Baseball to Speed Up Play This Year
But plan to call it “Baseball on Steroids” has been shelved.
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
Security Camera Reveals More Problems for Disneyland
First it was measles, now it's crabs.
 
ART
Metropolitan Museum of Art Bans Selfie Sticks
Removes all self-portraits.
 
TRAVEL
Luxury Hotel Rooms Averaging $800 a Night Now at 70% Occupancy Rate
$200 hookers also doing well.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Hello Barbie Listens, Speaks to Your Kids
Says things like, “I need more accessories” and “I miss Ken.”

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