Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APRIL 20 - 26, 2015
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MISCELLANEOUS
Man Upset With Unlimited Campaign Spending Lands Gyrocopter on Capitol Lawn
Security tightened to make sure anyone who opposes unlimited campaign spending never lands there again.
“20-Year-Old Rum” Created in Lab Fools Experts
Later, they're fooled by bathtub gin
 
TECHNOLOGY
First Robotic Kitchen Resumes Testing
After first robotic food fight.
 
HISTORY
Book Claims Washington, Franklin, Hamilton, Others Gay
They just didn't talk about it much.
 
SPORTS
Brazil 2016 Update: Rio Lagoon, Olympics Rowing Venue, Almost Ready
They just need to remove millions of dead fish.
Which of these headlines was buried deep inside your newspaper under the heading “News Briefs”?
A )Taliban Massacre in Afghanistan
B )Dozens Die in Iraq Bombings
C )African Leader Accused of Murder Wins Disputed Election
D )Justice Department Drops Case Against Wall Street Figure for Lack of Evidence
E )Hundreds Die in Ferry Disaster Somewhere Far Away
F )Indian Police Fail to Intervene in Gang Rape
G )Civilians Die in Syrian Government Counterattack
H )Bus Plunges off Cliff in One of Those South American Countries
I )Safety Problems Force Toyota to Recall Millions of Cars Sold in United States
J )No Charges Brought Against Cop Who Killed Unarmed Civilian
K )Earthquake Strikes Impoverished Country, Thousands Feared Dead
   1 )A, and G
   2 )C, D, H, I and K
   3 )B, E, F an J
   4 )All of the above
Hint: look for headlines that donít mention a Kardashian.

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