Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JUNE 22 - 28, 2015
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PEOPLE
Brian Williams to Return in Slightly Diminished Role
He'll be in charge of Lester Holt's teleprompter.
 
MEDIA
BBC Technology Lets You Change Channels With Your Mind
And adjust volume with your blood pressure.
 
BUSINESS
McDonald's to Alter Way It Cooks
Adds Graduate School of Culinary Arts to Hamburger University.
Disney Actors Complain They Can't Reveal Which Character They Play
So everyone just assumes they're Goofy.
SCIENCE
Chimps Observed Getting Drunk From Sap With High Ethanol Content
And swearing “never again” the next morning.
Hawaii: Scientists Emerge From Eight-Month Simulated Trip to Mars
Will spend next eight months in total isolation, binge watching favorite shows.
Italian Neurosurgeon Plans to Perform First Human Head Transplant by End of 2017
Or sooner "if the right body comes along."
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Heavy Consumers of
Chocolate 25% Less Likely to
Die of Cardiovascular Disease

Chocoholics who add coffee and booze will live forever.

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