Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – NOV 2 - 8, 2015
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PEOPLE
After Oprah Buys 10% of Weight Watchers, Stock Price Doubles
Analysts say if she loses another ten pounds, stock could double again.
 
MEDIA
Furious Republicans Drop CNBC After Contentious Debate Questions
Future debates will limit questions to those submitted by candidates' campaign managers.
 
BUSINESS
Federal Judge Ok's Settlement
In Class Action Suit Filed Against
Subway Over Size of Its Foot-
Long, 6-Inch Subs

Customers who saved all their receipts will receive free chips.
VW Could Be Fined $18 Billion for 6 Years of Cheating on Emissions Tests
Fortunately for VW, company had set aside $18 billion for just such a fine.
Study: China Now Has Much
Larger Middle Class Than U.S.

Mysteriously, theirs has been appearing while ours has been disappearing.
SCIENCE
Study: Members of Primitive
Societies Didn't Sleep Any
Better Than We Do

Worried about well-being of planet if other, less primitive societies prospered.
 
Ancient Formations in Kazakhstan Spotted From Space
Experts think 8,000-year-old mounds evidence of massive prehistoric publicity stunt.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
World Health Organization:
Bacon Causes Cancer

McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, Denny's close.
Study: Hot Dogs Found to
Contain 2% Human DNA

Bon appetit.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Persian Gulf May Be Too
Hot for Humans by 2100

Could affect 2096 Olympics in Qatar.

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