Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – NOV 23 - 29, 2015
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TECHNOLOGY
Robotic Cat Provides Low-
Maintenance Companionship

Also available: robotic grandfather (rear).
 
SPORTS
Fantasy Sports Betting Study: 91% of Winnings Won by 1.3% of Players
The same 1.3% who call it a game of skill.
 
KIDZ KORNER
 
Pin the Putdown on the Candidate
Insulting his GOP rivals seems to be working for Donald Trump. Try to match his disparaging remarks with their intended targets.
A. Jeb Bush 1. Look at that face!
B. Marco Rubio 2. A complete & total dud!
C. Lindsey Graham 3. An okay doctor.
D. Carly Fiorina 4. Low energy!
E. Ben Carson 5. A total lightweight!
F. John Kasich 6. What a stiff!
ANSWERS: A-4, B-5, C-6, D-1, E-3, F-2
NEW PRODUCTS
It's the World's First Smartphone Vibrator!
When no one's sexting you or sending you naked pictures of themselves, you can always attach one of these to your phone and pleasure yourself while waiting for that next sext. $39.95, at Onan of Hollywood.
 
RELIGION
Starbucks Under Fire From Christian Groups for Design of Its Holiday Coffee Cup
Claim it looks like “Virgin Mary on acid.”
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Vietnamese Man Named Phuc Dat Bich Angry He Keeps Getting Kicked Off Facebook
And can't understand why he has over forty million followers on Twitter.

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