Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEB 29 - MAR 6, 2016
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NEW PRODUCTS
First Novelty Virtual Reality Glasses Go On Sale
Aimed at dorks who want to look like dorks.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Plan to Build 250-Foot-Tall Statue of Margaret Thatcher Revealed
For the Falkland Islands.
 
EDUCATION
U. of Houston Faculty Told to Avoid “Sensitive Topics” if State Law Allowing Concealed Weapons on Campus Goes Into Effect
List of “Sensitive Topics” goes on for 400 pages.
 
SPORTS
Baseball Outlaws Hard Slides at Second Base
And crying will now be permitted.
FEATURE
Who said it, where, and when? (Get this right and win a college scholarship.)
“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.”
A )Lenny Bruce, San Francisco, 1964.
B )Sam Harris, New York City, 2005.
C )Bill Maher, Chicago, 2012.
D )Seneca the Younger, Rome, 32 AD.
Hint: de gustibus non est disputandum.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Research: People Who Have Short Ring Fingers Predisposed Towards Fidelity
If your spouse's ring finger is long, find a good lawyer, your marriage is toast.

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