Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 7 - 13, 2016
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MISCELLANEOUS
  Glass Slide Outside 70th Floor of
LA Skyscraper Opens in June

Thrill-seekers can slide from 70th floor to 69th floor with nothing beneath them but the San Andreas Fault.
 
TECHNOLOGY
U.S. Cyberattacks Against Islamic Militants Intended to Overload Networks, Interrupt Ability to Command and Control Forces
And turn murderous jihadists into crazed computer users spending endless hours on phone getting nowhere with tech support.
 
EDUCATION
Harvard Law School Urged to Drop Seal Linked to Slave-Owning Family
Even if it causes drop in donations from slave-owning families.
 
SPORTS
Ivy League Bans Tackling During Football Practice
After study determines all our leaders of tomorrow “a little funny in the head.”
FEATURE
Students Take New, Improved SATs They are:
  A ) Superlatively superior
  B ) Intriguingly imitative
  C ) Suspiciously similar
Hint: meet the new test, same as the old test.
 
TRAVEL
Disney Parks Adopt Demand Pricing
Visitors can expect higher admission prices on holidays, higher soft drink prices on hot days.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
  ConservativesOnly.Com Dating Site Deluged With Applications to Join
None yet from any women.
Sweden: First Unmanned Convenience Store Opens
Just help yourself to the cash register on the way out.

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