Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 2 - 8, 2016
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PEOPLE
Woman Who Looks Like Ted Cruz to Make Porn Film
Schlonged expected to open in Cleveland in time for Republican Convention.
Boehner Calls Cruz “Lucifer
in the Flesh" and "Miserable
Son of a Bitch”

Cruz: “Ask him again when he sobers up.”
 
SOCIAL MEDIA
New App Enables Friends
To Share To-Do Lists

Like, “Have sex with me.”
 
BUSINESS
Carrier Air Conditioners Moving Production to Mexico, Will Pay Workers $6/Hr.
To work in new unairconditioned factory.
Waiting List for London's Nude Restaurant Reaches 30,000
Shown: people line up for grand opening.
SCIENCE
Dinosaurs May Have Started
Disappearing Long Before
Asteroid Impact

Many in U.S. believe they started disappearing right around the time of the Flintstones.
Theory: Giant Space Umbrella
Could Stop Global Warming

It's worth a try, say umbrella manufacturers.
Elon Musk's SpaceX Plans
Trip to Mars By 2018

In hopes of reaching Red Planet before Richard Branson, Jeff Bezos.
 
Large Hadron Collider Shuts Down After Weasel Chews Though Cable
Weasel hurled into fourth dimension.
 
POLL
One in Four Young People
In UK Would Date a Robot
If It Looked Human

But would object to their robot dating other robots.

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