Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JULY 4 - 10, 2016
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ENTERTAINMENT
  Latest Kanye West Video Features Mostly Naked Celebrity Lookalikes
Only West, his wife Kim, and Donald Trump (third from left) are real.
 
PEOPLE
Obama Says He Might Become a Silicon Valley Venture Capitalist
“I always wanted to be a rich, obnoxious, self-centered putz,” he says.
 
BUSINESS
Volkswagen Told it Must Buy Back Every Diesel Car Sold, Pay $15 Billion
And go back in time, kill baby Hitler.
Google Leases Hangar That Once Housed Howard Hughes's Spruce Goose
Rumored developing world's largest self-flying plane.
SCIENCE
Alien Contact Still 1,500 Years
Away, Cornell Researchers Say

Surrender, submission, eventual slaughter by aliens at least 1,600 years away.
Discovery of Helium Field in
Tanzania Could Replenish
Dwindling Supply of Rare Gas

In recent years, amount available dropped due to spate of birthday parties.
 
Approaching Juno Spacecraft Captures Light Show, Strange Sounds Coming From Jupiter
And a star-child inside a bubble (not shown) headed away from planet.
 
Study: Plants Have a Memory, Make Sophisticated Decisions, Judge Risks Better Than Us
And more pleasant to be around.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Rate of Ozone Depletion Slows Due to Decrease in Use of Harmful Chemicals
Problem should be solved by the time global warming destroys the planet.

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