| TRAVEL |
 |
 Germans Ambivalent
About Recently Opened Model of Hitler's Underground
Bunker, a Popular Tourist Attraction
Particularly with Trump's transition team. |
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| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
One Hundred Million Eligible
Voters Didn't Vote
Their top three excuses: sick; forgot; threatening
phone call from man with Russian accent. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
NFL Might Shorten Games
To Woo Back Viewers
Closer to the twelve total minutes of actual action. |
| |
| TECHNOLOGY |
 |
|
Robot Surgeon So Accurate
It Can Remove Cataracts
Home version can peel you a grape. |
|
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| FEATURE |
 |
| 19: What does this number represent? |
| A ) | As of November 7th, number
of homicides in Montreal in 2016. |
| B ) | Number of homicides in
Chicago last weekend. |
| C ) | Both A) and B) |
| Hint: Must be a lot of good guys with guns
preventing homicides in Montreal. |
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| |
| RELIGION |
|
Increasing Demand for Exorcists
Priests must juggle exorcisms
with day-to-day pedophilia. |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 Eva Braun's
Panties Sold at Auction for $3,600
To same buyer who purchased J. Edgar Hoover's bra. |
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