Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – NOVEMBER 21 - 27, 2016
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PEOPLE
Dylan “Honored” to Win Award, But Can't Attend Nobel Ceremony
Has to shampoo his hair.
Report: Trump Values Loyalty
Above All Else

Certainly above intelligence, experience, or character.
 
BUSINESS
Black Friday Expected to
Be Bigger Than Last Year

Led by gun sales to Democrats.
United Offering Cheaper Fares,
But Adds Fees for Carry-Ons,
Seat Selection

And life vest.
Peru: Secret Service Seizes $30 Million in Counterfeit U.S. Bills
Peruvian counterfeiters have kept U.S. economy afloat for eight years.
SCIENCE
NASA, FEMA Simulate Asteroid Strike on Los Angeles
Determines millions will die, followed by financial rebirth led by hugely successful disaster films.
“You Can't Wish Away the Facts,”
Top Scientist Tells Trump

Trump to seek second opinion.
 
Stephen Hawking: We Won't Last 1000 Years on This Planet
It's his latest pick-up line.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Rich Outlive Poor
By Up to 9.5 Years

Nine and a half years with no one to take care of them.
Research: Exercise Can Help Concussion Patients Recover Faster
Conclusion: as soon as they can see straight, send 'em back in the game.

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