Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEBRUARY 6 - 12, 2017
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MISCELLANEOUS
New Tostitos Bag Doubles as Breathalyzer
Coming soon: M&Ms that can tell if you're stoned.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Mini Fire Extinguishers Inside Lithium Batteries May Stop Blazes
At sign of fire, tiny hammer breaks glass, sets off alarm, activates extinguisher.
Milestone: Computer Defeats Humans at Poker
Outdrinks them, too.
Robot Barista to Eventually Put Thousands Out of Work
In only industry still employing Americans.
 
SPORTS
Boston Celtics to Wear GE Logo on Jerseys Next Year
In honor of Boston-based international conglomerate with long tradition of paying no U.S. Taxes.
According to the White House, explaining the review of Dodd-Frank, President Trump does not intend to put “unnecessary limits on economic opportunity.” Does this mean:
A )He doesn't want to limit Americans' opportunity to become rich.
B )He doesn't want to limit financial advisors' opportunity to become rich at their clients' expense.
C )He doesn't want to limit the opportunity for himself and his friends to become even richer at everybody else's expense.
Hint: you may choose both B) and C)
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
In Study of Twin Astronauts, Researchers Find Differences With One Who Returned From Space
Or was it the other one, they weren't sure.
 
ALSO IN THENEWS...
Iran Bars U.S. Wrestling Team From Upcoming International Meet
In retaliation, Trump orders nuclear attack.

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