Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAR 27 - APR 2, 2017
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MISCELLANEOUS
Chicago Cubs GM Theo Epstein Tops Pope, Others on List of World's Greatest Leaders
Pope's lack of World Series ring a factor.
Norway Replaces Denmark Atop List of World's Happiest Countries
Throwing Danes into deep depression.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Fears Raised That Changeover to Self-Driving Cars Will Create Severe Organ Shortage
Unless they're programmed to cause thousands of random highway deaths.
 
SPORTS
Shaquille O'Neal: "Only Kidding" About Saying World Flat
That leaves Kyrie Irving, Draymond Green, and President Trump as prominent Flat-Earthers.
LEISURE
New Monopoly Tokens Unveiled
They still have to be approved by Congress.
 
TRAVEL
Airlines Now Offering Seats Where You Can Choose Your Location, Sit Next to Family or Friends, Order Food or Store Bags in Overhead Bins for More Money
For significantly more money you can have another passenger you find loud and objectionable removed from plane.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Trump Drives Runaway Truck Without Brakes Towards Impenetrable Barrier
On National Metaphor Day.

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