Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JUL 31 - AUG 6, 2017
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CONSUMER NEWS
Cobras Smuggled Into Country in Potato Chip Cans
Bet you can't eat just one.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Dubai Introduces Robot Police Officer
Will issue tickets to illegally parked driverless cars.
 
SPORTS
Almost Every Former NFL Player Examined So Far Has Brain Damage
Thanks to years of thrilling, crowd-pleasing hits.
 
TRAVEL
Months After Videos of Violent Mistreatment of Passengers, United Reports Big Profits
Passengers willing to put up with occasional beating to save a few bucks.
“Revenge is a dish which people of taste prefer to eat cold.” Who said it?
A )Jeff Sessions on Twitter.
B )John McCain, on the floor of the U.S. Senate.
C )James Comey in a private aside to Jeff Sessions.
D )Louis, in the movie Kind Hearts and Coronets.
Hint: A), B), and C) are plausible enough, even though they're not the correct answers, but partial credit will be given.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Trump 2005 Sketch of NY Skyline Sells at Auction for $29,000
To a paunchy man with orange hair.
Facing Criticism, Trump to
Give Different Address to
Boy Scouts Next Year

With fewer gay jokes

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