Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 4 - 10, 2017
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MISCELLANEOUS
  Germany: Sandcastle Verified by Guinness as World's Largest
Later, Guinness verifies world's largest mob of bullies who destroy it.
 
EDUCATION
Study: Later School Starting Time Would Save $9 Billion a Year
Letting kids skip school altogether would save $1 trillion.
 
LAW
Supreme Court to Hear Cake Case Which Could Legalize Discrimination
As long as it's based on sincerely held religious beliefs.
 
RELIGION
Pope Francis Reveals He Visited Psychoanalyst for 6 Months to “Clarify Some Things”
Like a conflicted relationship with The Father.
Film studios are looking desperately for something to bring back lost audiences. What might they actually do?
A )Lower the astronomical price of tickets.
B )Lower the astronomical price of popcorn.
C )Release more good movies, fewer bad ones.
D )Sell beer, wine, marijuana, and mushrooms.
E )Pay Congress to shut down YouTube, Netflix, cable, Internet.
F )Accelerate rollout of “Feelies.”
G )Do nothing but bitch, whine and complain all the way to the bank.
Hint: Accelerating the rollout of “Feelies” might help.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Thousands of Trump-Shaped Ecstasy Pills Seized in Germany
Eric, Don, Jr. deny any involvement.

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