Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 18 - 24, 2017
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TECHNOLOGY
Apple Debuts New $1000 iPhone With Face Recognition
Can easily distinguish one sucker from another.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Senate Committee Wrestles with Possible Regulations for Self-Driving Big Rigs
May insist on dummy drivers, so when you check mirror and see nobody driving, you wonít have a heart attack.
 
POLL
Nearly 4 In 10 Americans Canít Name Any First Amendment Rights
In fact, they were speechless.
 
LAW
Monkey Selfie Suit Settled
Monkey's attorney J. Fred Muggs (not shown) says client “will never have to work again.”
FEATURE
Experienced diplomat to fill vacancy for Assistant Secretary of State to Eastern Asia. Responsibilities include dealing with nuclear proliferation in North Korea, possible genocide in Myanmar, Chinese expansionism in South China Sea. Also spider webs growing in Office of the Assistant Secretary for Eastern Asia, since it has been vacant since the beginning of the Trump Administration.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
  “Million Juggalo March” Draws Millions of Creepy Juggalos to Nation's Capital
Police, however, consider them harmless, since they're mostly white.

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