Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – SEP 25 - OCT 1, 2017
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PEOPLE
At United Nations, Trump Refers to Non-Existent Nation of “Nambia”
Experts think he might have meant Gambia, or he might have meant Namibia, or he might have meant Narnia, but he probably meant Brigadoon.
 
BUSINESS
Revealed: Equifax Hackers Entered System in March, Remained Undetected for Months
Played games, raided fridge, took office supplies, generally made a mess of things.
Walmart Offering Deliveries
When You're Not Home

Just leave the key under the doormat with a sign “Walmart” and it's there when you return to file a police report.
Toys 'R' Us Files for Bankruptcy Protection
Just as Mattel debuts Bankruptcy Lawyer Barbie.
CONSUMER NEWS
After Outcry, Original Trix With Artificial Colors Returns
Company spokesperson: “How many times do you have to hear it — “Trix is for kids!”
 
SCIENCE
Report: Amazon's “Frequently Bought Together” Feature Displays Bomb-Making Ingredients
Explaining North Korea's rapid development of H-bomb.
 
Trigonometry Detected in 3,700-Year-Old Babylonian Tablet
Translation reveals constantly recurring phrase, “I hate trigonometry.”
 
LEXICOGRAPHY
“Troll,” “Alt-Right,” “Ransomware” Added to Webster's Dictionary
After an alt-right troll blackmails Webster's.

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