Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCTOBER 2 - 8, 2017
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TECHNOLOGY
Silicone Sexbots Getting More Realistic, Can Be Programmed to Talk Dirty to You
Simulate orgasms, tell you what a great lover you are.
 
EDUCATION
Obama's Campus Guidance
Rescinded by De Vos as Too
Harsh on Those Accused of
Sexual Assault

Many of whom are “very fine people.”
 
SPORTS
MLB: Record for Home Runs Surpassed With Weeks to Go
Caused by combination of juiced baseballs, corked bats, musclebound hitters, cyber-armed pitchers, and a new, as-yet undetectable performance-enhancing drug.
Trump: NFL Not Rough Enough,
Too Protective of Players

“More concussions, fewer protests,” he tweets.
  Outgoing Message of the Week
“Hello, you have reached the Federal Emergency Management Agency. No FEMA officials are currently available to take your call. If you are calling about your lack of access to food and water in Puerto Rico after the hurricane, know that our thoughts and prayers are with you. We are deeply moved by your plight. At some point in the future, we may hire a few agents who could take your call. Meanwhile, hope and pray, best of luck, and have a wonderful day.”
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Many Glued to TV for Ken Burns' Vietnam Documentary
Trump's bone spurs prevent him from watching.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
  New York State: Susan B. Anthony Maze Honors Famed Suffragette
Forces men to do something they loathe: ask for directions.

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