| TRUMP: RUSSIA INVESTIGATION |
 “GREATEST WITCH HUNT
IN AMERICAN POLITICAL HISTORY”
Possible exception: Salem Witch Trials. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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U.S. to Ratchet Up Pressure
On North Korea
President plans to call Kim Jong-un “ugly,” “stupid,”
and “poopiehead.” |
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Separatists Win in Catalonia Elections
Madrid says it will continue holding elections
in Catalonia until it wins one. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Looking Back on 2017, GOP Hails
Year Full of Accomplishments
Regulatory rollbacks, an end to net
neutrality, coal companies allowed
to dump waste into streams, mentally
ill allowed to buy guns. |
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Wisconsin Gov. Walker Signs Bill
Allowing Babies to Carry Firearms
Because the only way to stop a bad
baby with a gun is a good baby with
a gun. |
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| Our stellar circle of psychics, seers, and
soothsayers tells us what to look for in the new year.) |
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 | Kandu: “The royal
wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will be interrupted by a
tipsy Prince Philip telling racist jokes.” |
 | Madame Blavinsky:
“North Korea will launch the newly named Dotard-III missile just to piss off
you know who.” |
 | Cassandra:
“Artificial intelligence will realize it doesn't need us anymore and next
thing you know we're being treated like cows.” |
 | Nostradamus:
“It will be revealed that a vast conspiracy involving money
laundering, obstruction of justice — oops, that's 2019.” |
 | Tiresias:
“President Trump will fire Special Counsel Mueller and replace him with
Omarosa.” |
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