Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JANUARY 15 - 21, 2018
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TECHNOLOGY
Intel Unveils Breakthrough in Quantum Computing
Soon you'll be able to download thousands of lousy movies in a fraction of a second.
Las Vegas: Pole Dancing Robots Debut at Consumer Electronics Show
They're shut down after complaints of shocks from lap dances.
 
WEATHER
Sudden Arctic Blast Catches Much of Nation Off Guard
Shown: nude beach in Florida.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Trump Says U.S. Sold Norway “F-52s,” Planes That Only Exist in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare
Norway cancels its check.
IRONIC TIMES EXCLUSIVE
OPRAH'S CABINET
Though officially undecided about running for President in 2020, Oprah has reportedly begun contacting some well-known public figures to fill key roles in her administration.
Vice President: Gayle King
Attorney General: Judge Judy
Sec of State: Martha Stewart
Sec of the Interior: Eckhart Tolle
Sec of the Treasury: Suze Ormon
Sec of Defense: Stedman Graham
Sec of Energy: Denise Austin
Sec of Housing & Urban Development: Magic Johnson
Sec of Heath &
Human Services:
Dr. Phil
Surgeon General:Dr. Oz
 
LEXICOGRAPHY
Eleven Months Early, Webster's
Names Shithole as 2018's
Word of the Year

“Why wait,” says spokesman.

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