| PEOPLE |
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 Ex-House Speaker
Boehner: “My Thinking on Cannabis Has
Evolved”
Now that there's money to be made from it, he confides. |
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| MEDIA |
|
 Fox Briefly Airs
Poll Showing it as Least Trustworthy Cable News
Source
It's quickly replaced by false poll showing it
as most trustworthy. |
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| BUSINESS |
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CBO Projects Massive Spike in Deficit,
Debt Under Trump Due to GOP Tax Bill
Biggest increase since invention of credit in 17th century. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
|
 Heinz Introduces
Mayochup, Combining Mayonnaise and Ketchup
Follows failed rollout of Retard, combination of
relish and mustard. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Giant Pandas Taken Off
Endangered Species List
Still on Do Not Eat list. |
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 Scientists: Little
Chance Signals We Receive From Space Will Come
From Civilizations That Still Exist
But their music might be worth a listen. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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 FDA Approves
First Artificially Intelligent Medical Device
Predicts diseases, outcomes, and compares
rates for loans you'll need to pay for it. |
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| CORRECTION |
| |
 In a previous edition we
incorrectly identified the people in this picture
as new members of The President's Council on
Diversity. In fact, this is a recent picture of all the
current White House interns. We apologize for
the error. |
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