Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCTOBER 8 - 14, 2018
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MISCELLANEOUS
Researchers: Octopuses on Ecstasy Become More Social
Ask your veterinarian if microdosing ecstasy is right for your octopus.
Study: “Lazy” Human Brains
Can't Choose if There Are
More Than 15 Options

That's why there are only 15 varieties of Cheerios.
 
POLL
The World Trusts Putin
More Than Trump

Trump trusts Putin more than Trump.
 
ART
Banksy Artwork Shreds Itself After Selling at Auction for $1.4 Million
Winning bidder furious at auction house's “No Returns” policy.
FEATURE
 
Outgoing Message of the Week
“Hello. You have reached the office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. None of our agents are available to take your call. If you are calling with a personal recollection of being sexually abused or assaulted by Brett Kavanaugh, please call back next week after our investigation has been concluded. Maybe we'll have lunch. Do you like beer? ”
 
RELIGION
Einstein Calls Bible “Childish”
in Letter Expected to Get
$1 Million at Auction

He was writing to Santa Claus.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
President Boards Air Force One With Toilet Paper Stuck to His Shoe
Later tells press it was fake toilet paper put there by George Soros.

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