Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – APRIL 1 - 7, 2019
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PEOPLE
Betsy DeVos Defends Cutting Funds for Special Olympics
Says athletes will make “plenty of money” in the pros.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
“Woodstock 50” Set for This Summer
“Three Days of Peace and Quiet.”
 
BUSINESS
McDonald's Will Use AI to Automatically Tweak Drive-Thru Menus
Healthy salads for healthy-looking types; Big Mac, fries and a shake for you.
  Wow Air Shuts Down Stranding Passengers
They switch to flights on Lucky Air.
SCIENCE
British Scientist Says He's Invented Safe, Synthetic Alcohol Substitute
You can get drunk and do something you'll regret forever, but no hangover.
UN: Arctic to Warm 9 Degrees
By 2100

But take a sweater, just in case.
 
World's Biggest T. Rex Discovered
Sighted on old Route 66 near World's Largest Cow.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Men Schedule Their Vasectomies in Conjunction With NCAA Tournament So They Can Watch During Recovery
Women have their tubes tied after meeting men who have vasectomies to watch some stupid basketball games.
French Public Health Agency: No More Than Two Glasses of Wine Per Day, and Not Every Day
“And go easy on the frogs and snails.”

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