Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 2 - 8, 2019
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CONSUMER NEWS
KFC to Debut Plant-Based “Fake” Fried Chicken
Look for ads featuring latest fake Col. Sanders.
 
EDUCATION
Studies Show Mindfulness Can
Improve Grades, Lower Stress
Among Middle Schoolers

If you can pry their phones from their hot, little hands and get them to sit still for fifteen seconds.
 
SPORTS
Study: Fans Experience Boost
In Self-Esteem After Watching
Their Team Win

Commit acts of vandalism after watching their team lose.
 
TRAVEL
  Design of First Space Hotel Unveiled
Perfect for that clandestine rendezvous.
FEATURE
In his upcoming memoir, Lonnie G. Bunch III describes the private tour he gave President Trump of the African American History Museum and his reaction to learning of the Dutch role in the global slave trade. What was Trump's reaction?
A )“I didn't know the Dutch had slaves.”
B )“That's terrible, a blot on their history.”
C )“You know, they love me in the Netherlands.”
Hint: sounds like a fascinating memoir.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Study: Women Remember
Events Better Than Men

In particular, 2016 election.
U.S. Marine Says Cigar-Shaped UFO Sightings Increasing
Believes them to be Cuban in origin.

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