Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 25 - 31, 2020
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PEOPLE
White House Press Secretary Unintentionally Displays Trump
Check With His Banking Information
Seems he's $6 trillion overdrawn.
Trump Refuses to Unveil Obama Portrait at White House
“He never hung my picture up, why should I put up his?” he asks.
 
BUSINESS
JP Morgan CEO: Pandemic
A “Wake-Up Call” to Build
Fairer Society

Gives his chauffeur a 10% raise.
Fortunes of U.S. Billionaires Grew by $434 Billion Since Coronavirus Crisis
Mostly from stimulus checks.
Michael Jordan's Game-Worn Sneakers Sell for $560,000
Winning bidder thrilled they had his size.
SCIENCE
Trump White House Drafting Legal Blueprint for Moon Mining
Also subdivisions, golf courses, wall.
New Study: Intelligent Life Most Likely Exists Elsewhere in Universe
Just not here.
 
Scientists Produce Iridescent Chocolate
Hope it proves more popular than iridescent ham.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Encouraging Signs for Vaccine in Initial Test Trials on Monkeys
Researchers hope more monkeys volunteer for further trials.
Survey: 3 in 5 Unable or Unwilling to Participate in Contact Tracing
Most common reason: “What if my wife finds out?”
Poll: 1 in 6 Rely on Trump for Information About Coronavirus
But only 1 in 7 would chug-a-lug Clorox.

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