Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – NOVEMBER 23 - 29, 2020
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TECHNOLOGY
Japan: Shops Deploy Laser-Guided Robots to Make Sure People Wear Masks
If they refuse, a laser in the tush usually does the trick.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Popular Dating Site App Says Karens Having Trouble Getting Dates
Indignant, Karens demand to speak to app's CEO, want FBI brought in.
Revealed: Melania Could Get $50 Million in Divorce Settlement
And the East Wing.
 
HISTORY
Historians: Founders Didn't Foresee President Who Refuses to Step Down
Or profit from his office, or call for the jailing of his opponents, or lie 20,000 times, or insult anyone who criticizes him, or pay porn stars to keep silent.
 
LAW
Trump's Lawyer Says Philadelphia Mobster “Skinny Joey” Merlino Manufactured 300,000 Illegal Ballots for Biden
However, Merlino says, “I ain't talkin'.”
FEATURE
The United States ranks 25th on an index of 167 countries that's topped by Norway, Iceland, and Sweden. What is the index and what does it measure?
A )The Ski Jumping Index (measures the quality of hills)
B )The Codfish Index (measures the quality of codfish)
C )The Blonde Index (self-explanatory)
D )The Democracy Index (measures the state of democracy)
Hint: hey, we beat Botswana, Cape Verde, and Papua New Guinea.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
  Much Talk of Trump TV Network
It would consist of hard-hitting rightwing news commentators, editorials from Trump himself and, after midnight, shark documentaries.

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